Lazarus
by Spencer5460
Summary: Starsky was with him. The sun was in the sky and the long night was over.


**LAZARUS**

The steady, impersonal beeping of the monitors was fading away and Hutch felt himself grow chilled. He tried to reach out to pull at the pale gray blanket but his hand didn't want to listen to his brain. He was working at opening his eyes when he heard the voice.

"Hey, there, sleeping beauty, it's about time you woke up."

He'd recognize that misplaced Brooklyn accent anywhere. For a second a feeling of sheer happiness coursed through him. Not the fleeting kind that comes when you win the lottery then disappears when the money's all spent. But the kind of happiness that stays with you, filling you up and leaving you warm all over because life is so damn good.

_Another dream_, he thought. Then the feeling was gone and he was empty again. He decided maybe he'd just leave his eyes closed after all. It was so hard to open them and lately it hadn't even been worth the effort.

"Come on!" The voice was back and this time he felt a gentle tugging on his arm. "I been waitin' for ya. And ya know how much I hate waitin' in these medieval torture devices they call chairs. You'd think I'd have figured out by now how to get comfortable in one of these – you, too, for that matter. We've spent enough time in them, haven't we, partner?"

_Partner_. He hadn't heard that word in forever it seemed, especially directed at himself.

The tugging on his arm grew stronger. "I know you're awake. Let me see those baby blues," the voice cajoled. This time Hutch's eyes blinked open and there he was. Unruly dark curls, rumpled windbreaker and all.

"Starsky," he managed to croak. It'd been a while since he'd used his voice.

"Who'd ya think it'd be? Wait, don't answer that." Starsky shot his partner a lop-sided grin.

"I've dreamed about you so many times before," the words were coming easier now, "but you look pretty damn good for a dream. Or maybe I'm just getting better at dreaming."

"It's no dream, Hutch." His grin got even bigger if that was possible. "I'm here, you're here. Now can we get outta here? You know how I hate these places."

Starsky pulled him from the bed and he took a few unsteady steps, his partner close at his elbow in case he should fall. He found his strength returning quickly, however, and he was soon able to walk without help. Starsky went to open the door and waved his arm at him impatiently. "Come on, hurry up, will ya?"

Hutch was reluctant to go out dressed in such a flimsy gown but then was relieved to see he was in his old khaki pants and favorite green, half-zip turtleneck, tan boots on his feet. At the threshold of door Starsky gave him a not-so-gentle shove.

They were in a beautiful park with open green fields. Starsky hopped from one side of his partner to the other herding him along, eager as a child rousting his parents from their bed on Christmas morning. But Hutch took his time to look around. Wildflowers made multicolored splashes against the greenery and here and there elegant trees posed together like dancers. A walking path wound gracefully through it all, interrupted every so often by benches and fountains.

A golden sun hung high in a brilliant blue and cloudless sky. Hutch closed his eyes and tilted his head back for a minute to savor its warmth. A gentle breeze brushed his face, clean and fresh with possibilities.

"Can't you go any faster, Hutch?" Starsky urged impatiently when he nearly bumped into him.

All around them were people enjoying themselves in the sunshine. Men were tossing balls to small boys, women were cuddling with babies or chasing after giggling toddlers. Lovers were strolling hand-in-hand down the path, nodding and smiling at older people resting on the benches as they passed by. Still others were gathered playing games together or just sitting and talking. He even saw a man flying a kite with a young girl, his hands over hers on the string as they guided the kite through the breeze.

A sense of peace caught him off-guard. At first Hutch didn't recognize what he was feeling, it had been so long. But then it overtook him like a wave, causing him to step back and question what was happening.

"This is wrong, Starsky. I don't belong here." The thought hit him hard. Perhaps at one time he had been content and happy like the people around him, but those feelings had faded long ago. He was desperately out of place, an outsider looking in. He turned around and looked back to see how he might retrace his steps.

Starsky quickly moved to block his way. "Of course ya do. I've been waitin' for ya."

"You have?"

"Whadda ya think, dummy." Starsky looked at him and huffed in fond exasperation. He took him by the arm and led him to one of the park benches, then pushed at him to sit. "Wanna talk?"

Hutch didn't know where to begin. How had he gone from lying in a cold hospital bed to walking in the warm sunshine? A thousand questions were forming in his mind but at the moment all mattered was being with his partner again.

Studying Starsky as he sat close beside him, it occurred to Hutch that even though it had been a lifetime ago, his friend looked just as Hutch remembered – better, if that was even possible to his careworn eyes. The same dark curls always a day away from a haircut, the same expressive indigo blue eyes, the same full lips that, no matter what the situation, were perpetually ready to break into a grin.

"God, you look great," Hutch's words tumbled out on their own.

"It's about time you admitted it." Starsky nudged him playfully. "You, on the other hand, look terrible. Whatever happened to those vitamin shakes and visits to the gym?"

"I, uh, after you, well, you know . . ." Hutch found he could still barely speak the words. After all this time they didn't come any easier and he fought to keep his voice from breaking. Starsky laid a comforting hand on top of his as they lay tightly clasped in his lap.

"Ya gotta quit beating yourself up over it, Blondie. Ya did everything ya could – more than anyone else could have."

"I was so relieved when I thought you were going to get better, but then the doctors came and said there were complications. . . " Long buried feelings clawed their way through Hutch's chest and something burned at his eyes.

Seeing Starsky so clearly like this and feeling his warm hand set firmly on top of his own brought memories raging back. "I sat there with you for days, just talking, waiting for you to open your eyes like the first time, but you never did."

"I know, Hutch. I felt you there with me. I heard every word. But there are some things ya just can't fix. You were always takin' on the world like it was your own personal responsibility. Always helpin' everyone else so much that you forgot about helpin' yourself. Especially without _me_ there lookin' out for ya." Starsky winked at him and Hutch felt the memory of a grin.

"I've missed you, Starsk." Hutch thought back on how, when they were working the streets together, life was like surfing a big wave - a blast even when they'd get pulled under and tumbled around a bit. But as long as they were tumbling together everything always came out right.

"When you left, I felt like I was treading water. I guess I just got tired of fighting the undertow."

"Well, the team is back together again, buddy. It'll be like old times." Starsky threw his arm around his friend's shoulder, pulling him close, then whispered conspiratorially in his ear, "except for all the bad stuff."

"I started to feel that nothing I did mattered anymore," Hutch felt the need for confession. A weight that dragged at him. "No matter how hard I fought, the bad guys always seemed to get the upper hand.

"That's not true, Hutch. The things you fought for _did_ make a difference. You just don't always get to see it at the time."

"You really think so?"

"I _know_ so."

Starsky was with him. The sun was in the sky and the long night was over. Hutch let the perfection of the moment washed over and through him until the pain of so much grief and loss leached away.

"Come on now, Hutch. Enough of this soapy scene." Starsky stood then and grabbed Hutch's arms to pull him up alongside of him. "We really have to get going. She's gonna kill me if we keep her waitin' much longer."

_Alice In Wonderland's rabbit minus the watch_, thought Hutch.

Starsky hurried him off the path and over a slight rise to where they could see a young, dark-haired woman sitting on a plaid blanket spread on the ground. She was leaning up against a large wicker basket with her legs outstretched. Noticing the two men walking in her direction, she jumped up and came running toward them. As she drew closer Hutch shook himself, stunned.

"Terry?"

"Hutch!" She threw herself into his arms and he caught her easily, swinging her around. "You're finally here! Dave has been driving me crazy ever since he found out you were coming."

The petite brunette broke from his embrace and moved to stand close to Starsky, putting her arm around his waist as he stretched his own across her willowy shoulders. When Starsky placed a kiss on the top of her wavy hair Hutch couldn't decide which was brighter, Starsky's smile or the sun.

Turning back again to Hutch, Terry spoke carefully, as if explaining some complex concept to one of her students. "I know it's a lot for you to take in all at once. It was for Dave, too, at first. He was so surprised to see me and then he was so happy." Her delicate features took on a wistful look.

"But after a while, when he realized it would be some time before you arrived, he started to mope. He can really be such a child sometimes." Terry pushed at Starsky with a smile. "We'd ride the bumper cars for hours, I'd even let him win at Monopoly. But he couldn't stop talking about you."

"Hey, you were _letting_ me win?" Starsky leaned away to glare at her with feigned indignation.

"What do you think?" Her laughter bubbled up. "You really are a _terrible_ Monopoly player, you know." She reached out to tug at a curl of his hair.

"A Hundred Ways to Win at Monopoly," Hutch smiled slowly as if his face was unaccustomed to the upward curve of his lips. But then he remembered something else. Something Terry had said about looking after Starsky and making sure he never changed. _I failed in the most important thing you asked of me. _

_I never blamed you for what happened. You were there to love him when I couldn't be. And that's what matters. _She was in his head the way Starsky had always been. Easing the pain the way Starsky always had. Appeasing his self-doubts, purifying imperfections.

Starsky looked from one to the other as if understanding what had been exchanged, then announced, "Terry planned a picnic in your honor." He flopped down on the blanket, grabbing at Terry and Hutch to pull them down along side of him. "I'm starved. Let's eat!"

While Starsky was famous for being able to eat anytime, anywhere, Hutch's appetite was only just starting to return. His curiosity, on the other hand, was back in full force "What is this place, anyway?" he asked.

"It's where wrongs finally get righted." Starsky looked at him fondly. "You see those people around us? They're all people just like us who lost someone they loved too soon because something went wrong. Parents who lost children, children who lost parents, even lovers who never got a chance to have a life together. Here, they do."

"Remember what Dobey said toward the end? 'There's always a chance.' He was right. Ya see, Hutch, no matter how you might have felt before, in the end the bad guys don't win after all. It's the people who believe in love, like you and me, who win."

Hutch couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy. _Us._ _You and me. Me and Thee_. Starsky's leaving had scattered all the pieces of his life. Now everything had been put back in place.

Hutch didn't know how long they had been sitting there before he noticed a woman standing a little way off, watching them. Even from a distance he could tell she was pretty, with blond hair falling in waves about her face. Hutch could feel her watching him.

"Who's that?"

Starsky's indigo eyes followed Hutch's cornflower blue, a slight smile on his face. "Maybe she wants to join us. Why don't ya go ask her?"

Starsky and Terry stayed sitting on the blanket while Hutch got up and walked toward the woman. As he approached she didn't move either closer or farther away. She just watched his face intently until recognition dawned.

He whispered her name like an invocation.

In three lunging strides his long arms encircled her, drawing her tightly up against him. He bent his head to her neck and he remembered the softness of her hair, the wonderful way she smelled. He didn't ever want to let her go. Eventually he began to feel her shrug him off, however, so he relented and she took a step back.

"Starsky told me you were coming. I wanted to see you so much! He told me it would be okay." She added shyly, hesitantly.

"Gillian, I . . ." Hutch wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but Gillian held her hand up to stop him before he could continue anyway.

"There's so much I wanted to tell you but never got the chance. I really _was _going to leave Grossman that day, you know." Hutch watched as her eyes grew misty. "I was going to give it up for you. I know I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid."

"I know. Starsky told me everything." His soft response offered understanding, forgiveness.

"I'm not trying to make excuses, I just wanted you to know." Her words came tumbling faster now, one over the other. "Things were rough at home when I was young and I made some stupid decisions. At first I thought the Grossmans were a way out. By the time I realized they had only trapped me more, it was too late. Stupid, stupid." She turned away shaking her head from side to side until Hutch caught her chin in his fingers and gently forced her back to look at him. _Has there ever been more beautiful eyes? _

"Starsky didn't want to see you hurt. He loves you. To have two people in one lifetime who love you that much . . . " Her voice trailed off for a moment as she drifted in thought, but then composed herself and continued.

"To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised to be here," she said looking around a bit, a hint of wonder in her voice. "But then I realized that no one here cares so much about the package you came in, just what's inside once you open up."

"I've made a lot of friends here. Starsky and Terry have been great. Can you imagine a hooker and a teacher being friends?" She let out a little laugh and looked over Hutch's shoulder. "Don't look now, but they're watching us."

Hutch turned and caught Starsky's gaze before he quickly looked away. Hutch laughed, surprising himself at the sound. _Still _w_atching my back_. "We're having a picnic. Why don't you come join us?"

"Do you think Starsky would mind?" Someday it might go away, but today the hesitation lingered.

"It was his idea."

She lit up then and he took her hand as they walked back to their friends. Hutch and Gillian sat down with Terry and Starsky and Terry handed sandwiches all around. She leaned in toward Gillian to whisper something in her ear and they both giggled like school girls.

Starsky pulled a bottle of wine and four glasses from the basket. He handed out glasses to Terry and Gillian. Then he poured a glass each for Hutch and himself. As he handed Hutch a glass Starsky clinked it lightly against his own. He tilted his head and squinted at Hutch who sat smiling in the sunshine.

"Ya know, Hutch, when I used to hear people say you had the face of angel I couldn't for the life a' me understand what they were talkin' about. But I think I see it now."


End file.
